order the book immortalizing these, and other, marvelous late-October parenting decisions. (David Lynch wrote the introduction, so it's professional-grade creepy). Centering this bad boy on your coffee table should precipitate interesting conversation, or awkward silence, depending on whom you've invited over for (red-dyed) earl grey and (corpse-shaped) shortbread cutouts.
Happy Halloween, people. Let your inner freak run free today.
p.s. Can we just, for one second, imagine sending our kids to a party in one of these getups, in a sea of princesses and frogs and pumpkins and sheet ghosts and pirates? Baaahahahahaa.
28 October 2013
Adieu, best good dog.
22 October 2013
totally legitimate), I have been overcompensating by smiling maniacally at the horrible demons hanging between shrubs on our walks, singing songs about them at lunch time, encouraging him to point his Fisher Price camera at them, and drawing pictures of them donning various accessories on the chalkboard. Now he's half terrified, half obsessed, and I'm not sure I've taken the right approach; he's either going to end up with a full-fledged phobia, or a career in arachnology. Yes, that's a real thing. All this time devoted to thinking about a class of invertebrates I've spent my life avoiding has been making me feel jumpy in bed, and any time I feel a hair tickle my neck.
21 October 2013
Expatica's "I Am Not a Tourist" blog competition, fourteen minutes before the midnight deadline on Friday.
And if scrolling to the bottom of that very long list is too much for you, you can just vote for the first one you see; conveniently, it's in alphabetical order.
Bedankt/thanks/gracias/merci/etc. etc. etc.!!
20 October 2013
our brief adventure in Barcelona. I like thinking of iPhone photos that way: complementary, not entirely necessary, but as a lens to better understand a broader experience.
19 October 2013
Following my tradition of joining flavors in ambrosial matrimony, I went with three, hoping at least one would be exactly what the almost-mama was craving: glazed lemon + earl grey, double chocolate, and pumpkin topped with gingered chocolate.
16 October 2013
15 October 2013
Most days, I skip showering without realizing I'm skipping showering. I wearily grab the day's outfit out of the nearest laundry bin of clean but unfolded clothing. This morning, after a confusing conversation in which an elderly woman at the supermarket asked if I was okay, I pulled out a compact and realized I'd slept with mascara on and not consulted a mirror before leaving the house. It was an all-time low for me: pushing a double buggy around with raccoon eyes. Bad ones.
Maybe this is the beginning of Letting Myself Go. Maybe it's a short-lived phase. 2010 Jess (before kids) would have been curled up in a ball for the rest of the afternoon, completely ashamed. No, wait, this NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED to 2010 Jess, under any circumstances (unless we're talking natural disaster or imprisonment). October 2013 Jess is too tired to care. She shrugged, said "Nee, dank u wel.", cleaned up with her hoodie sleeve, grateful that the hoodie, too, was black, and walked off mostly unfazed.
14 October 2013
13 October 2013
This one's kid-heavy, people. Grandparents and the child-crazed, rejoice. The rest of you may want to sit this one out.
I basically have just been doing the following things, and only the following things for the past month:
1. trying to shower twice per week
2. taking pictures of mostly my kids, then getting SUPER EMOTIONAL that I'm not taking nearly enough. (Still playing the hormone-blame-game.)
3. neglecting doing dishes
4. trying to pull off sweatpants with oxfords and a leather biker jacket, amongst other sartorial abominations.
So, I guess you might want to stick around, at least to make fun. And in case you missed any recent installments of Quickies, you can catch up here.
12 October 2013
lust after things I don't have, I also love the things we own, especially those purchased since our move from Den Haag to Amsterdam; in going from fully furnished to completely unfurnished, we were able to start with an empty living space and fill it with thoughtfully curated items that would make someone else's house feel like home.
11 October 2013
A few months ago when my mom was visiting, we went to the infamous floating Bloemenmarkt on the Singel Canal, in search of succulents, which are scarce at best in Holland. I've had little luck finding them in physical shops, and ordering plants on the internet feels funny, in the bad way. I get all touchy feely when it comes to things like plants. Fortunately, at the market resides van Zoomeren, boasting an impressive selection of carnivorous plants, cacti, and succulents, an odd duck in the sea of tulips. I walked away from the market with 24 plants and big plans. And a week later, I stumbled across a random rack of huge Sempervivum clusters at the neighborhood flower shop; thus, my flora stock grew considerably.
10 October 2013
It's totally one of those Do as I say, not as I do things; Frankie's inner troll comes out during the hours of 11PM-7AM. And during most napping hours.
In case you somehow missed the reference, watch this. Unless you're offended by profanity, in which case we should probably part ways now, and permanently. It'll be better that way.
Okay, seriously everyone. Close those peepers and get your REM sleep pronto; don't let the dark rings under my eyes stop you.
09 October 2013
It's both wonderful and heartbreaking to write about sad, lonely times
and have readers say, "me too." -Pete D.
Okay, so Pete Derk's not a juggler, really. But I couldn't come up with a classification to squeeze him into (the best I did was The Heartfelt yet Ironically Snarky Intellectual, which didn't feel right, either). I'm talking poems, fiction, non-fiction, comics, a radio show, screenplays, and probably more that he hasn't yet unveiled, like inventing time travel or solving the Jacobian conjecture. You see my quandary; juggler is the best I could do.