25 March 2014

They Just Want To Be Alone

The fact that most people are pretty clueless about how to run a relationship is not going to help the situation. Learning-by-doing is all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Incidentally, there should be a licensing bureau where testing is done to see if you are too stupid to marry or reproduce. When I am running the world, we will totally have that.  -Magnolia Ripkin 
I Just Want to Be Alone is to literature what your therapist, funny best friend, perfect mother, and high school English teacher who smoked and swore and wore cat-eye glasses are to you: all-encompassing, foundational, crucial. It All. Through a collection of some of today’s most powerful female voices, the book self-empowers, self-deprecates, and strikes an exquisite balance between humor and profundity, proving the theory that comedy is the finest source of catharsis. Both directly and with cunning stealth, these broads pass along invaluable advice makes the reader question, page after page after brilliant page, “Why hasn’t anyone told me this before?”

If every pre-woman was given this book on the day of her eighteenth birthday, their worlds would be so much more navigable, understandable, and surgically hilarious. I vote for starting now, and for retroactively making up for every woman past the age of 18. What I mean is: this book should be in the hands of every female you know in the next year. There. I just saved you hundreds of hours of birthday shopping. Ladies, "casually" force at least one of the men in your life to read it, as well. Lessons will be learned; marriages will be saved. And buy yours NOW, to 1.) instantly make your life, like, a thousand times better, and 2.) help this baby get on the NY Times Bestseller list.

You can thank me later by, well, buying me an extra copy. In case I "accidentally" leave mine as an act of charity, either to save a wife somewhere from death-by-exasperation or a husband somewhere from something far worse. Available on Amazon (go to your country's Amazon site if you're out of the US of Americuh) in paperback and Kindle editions. Pick your flavor.