The Seabiscuit of Smoothies: Green Apple

The spectacular thing about language is its propensity for pliability. When I explain to an inanely picky almost three-year old, for example, that the foreign substance in his breakfast cup is a green apple smoothie, there's a pretty good chance he's going to put that phrase together in such a manner that the smoothie is made out of a green apple, when in fact, green and apple are adjectives describing the smoothie, and the former is representative of a couple ingredients not toddler-approved. Luckily for me, it passed the taste test, and I didn't exactly have to lie.

From Me, To You

via Sketchy Santas

I find that wishing someone a (insert overenthusiastic adjective) Christmas can be disappointing, as the holidays can be overwhelming for even the most lionhearted of merrymakers. The idea that the entirety of this season has to be jingle bell-ish and joyous is completely absurd, kind of like telling a parent of two small kids to relish every moment. Right. 

Thus, I alternatively wish for each of you a few minutes of solace before you close your eyes tonight, a spark of gratitude, a moment of warmth. I'll share with you my end-of-day joie de vivre (and let the rest fade away): two safe and rosy-cheeked faces, rapidly tiring. The constant snowfall quietly blanketing the world around us in white. Airplanes. Family, enveloping us and our children. Generosity. Humor. You, staying with me as stubbornly as I continue to write my way towards an unbeknownst destination.

Have a very something Christmas, everyone. And if Christmas isn't your thing, take that part out and relish your day anyway. Or at least have a chuckle at the photo. 

Much love from Wisconsin. Stay warm, people, inside and out.

xxx+o,

Jess

Hanging with the Tough Kids

After flirting with the BLUNTmoms on Twitter for a while and trying to impress them with my creativity with four letter words, I can finally announce that, somehow, they've fallen for my ruse. I am officially One of Them. These ladies are the drinking, swearing moms in the room, but no matter how empty that bottle of bubbly is, they'll correct your syntax faster than you can shoot off a dirty look. They are both the right crowd and the wrong crowd at the same time, in the best way.

I have found my people.

With fanfare and a flurry of excited hand movements, I made my grand entrance yesterday raving about your jerk kids.

xxx+o,
Jess

p.s. Don't forget to enter the BLUNTmoms $325 cash giveaway by tomorrow!

Cyber Monday, or Everybody Just Likes Cash

copyright Virgin Media

If you've spent the last few days emptying your wallet, or you just like cash (these two scenarios should cover, like, everyone), listen up. The often snarky, sometimes bitchy, but always on-point BLUNTmoms have a fresh giveaway. Minty fresh, in fact. No cutesy products this time, people. All you have to do is follow the instructions below and you'll have a decent shot at

THREE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS.

That's right. $325USD, paid via PayPal rather immediately. No gimmicks. You have until December 15th to win.